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Being Single vs Being Lonely

September 20, 2017

It's been a while since I last blogged, in fact it's actually been over a year but I am back to writing posts on a weekly basis now that I have more time to myself (and because I actually have a lot to say lol)

 

Anyways the topic of singleness is something that I have been thinking about recently and I have realised we are in a time where "relationship goals" and "bae goals" are constantly being promoted and I find it worrying that we are in a time where we are raising a generation that doesn't know how to be happy and single.

 

Let's talk about loneliness for a second because a lot of people associate being single with being lonely and it's actually two complete different things. Loneliness is having a void and being single is described as being one.

 

The reason why some people end up getting into toxic relationships is because they're coming from a place of being lonely instead of being single. Now as I said before being single is described as being "one" in the dictionary - now when you are one, you are whole, you are complete but when you're lonely you're incomplete and a lot of people have decided that another human being is the solution to them being incomplete or having a void but that's not the case. If you can't enjoy your own company and be whole within yourself, you should never believe that you can be complete and whole with someone else.

 

 Learning to be content with yourself and your singleness is hard but so worth it, if you don't learn how to be happy when you're single, you'll find it very hard to be happy in a relationship - I personally know people who haven't been single for years because they've jumped from relationship to relationship avoiding the process of being single because they believe being single = being lonely. I always say "you can't pour water out of an empty water bottle "and if you are empty and expecting yourself to be pouring and investing into someone else, you're just digging a huge hole for yourself.

 

 

There was a time in my life where I wasn't content with being single because I was so used to being in a relationship, I had been in a relationship for over two years and it came to an end - I really didn't expect it to end but I am so happy it did because being lonely broke me but being broken made me realise I had to learn to be whole for myself..

Acknowledging you're lonely is the first step to being whole because you can't work on something you don't know is there. So me acknowledging I was lonely made me really take time to heal and work on myself. When I was going through my time of loneliness, I lowered my standards a lot because I was desperate to just fill the void to be honest I ended up in a relationship where I was abused. 

 

I have experienced toxic relationships in my past because of loneliness and I don't even think it's worth it, being on my journey of self-love and self cater has completely transformed me and built me to be someone who is whole and content with being single. Experiencing broken relationships caused me to fix my own personal relationship with God and dedicating my time to focus on the most important relationship in my life (my relationship with Jesus) which changed me a lot (I will do a post on this soon)

 

Some people who are reading this post may actually in be in a relationship but you're not happy in your relationship and I am not telling you to leave but my advice to you is  "a flower can never grow in a toxic environment"

 

and to anyone who is lonely/ or in the process of learning how to be happy and single this is my advice to you is this 

 

  1. Admit your lonely/admit you're not happy with being single/ admit you're not happy in your relationship - acknowledging the problem is the first key to solving the problem

  2. Do not get into a relationship/entertain the idea of a relationship because if you're not ready to commit to yourself, you will never be ready to commit to anyone else.

  3. Understand that healing is a process, you will not overcome this feeling overnight but day by day you'll get there (my healing process took over a year and I will openly admit I am still in the process)

  4.  Be open about how you're feeling, don't keep it in (share it with a friend, journal, talk to God)

  5.  Learn to love you (treat yourself, tell yourself how amazing you are, write down what you love about yourself) learning to love yourself is a huge process in learning how to be whole with yourself.

  6. Pray - Healing is spiritual and prayer is a powerful way of allowing healing to really take place. 

 

 

I would love to hear your thoughts on the idea of "being single and happy"

 

Please leave a comment below or feel free to contact me - hayley@hayleymulenda.com if you have any questions or any requests for blog posts..

 

 

P.S

 

I am also running weekly online masterclasses called "Building You" which teaches you how to be whole within yourself mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally - these masterclasses are also a place for you to network with those who are looking into their own self-development.. We also bring in specialists from across the world who talk about their journey and what methods they used to build themselves to get to certain platforms and recognition - if you're interested in finding out more about the  "Building You" Masterclass - CLICK HERE 

 

 

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